Dealing With The Death Of A Friend
Kent Jacobson, a.k.a. "Mr. Success"

Our close group of acquaintances had our friend Wayne die after a
courageous 10 month battle with cancer. Dealing with the loss of
Wayne was very difficult in a number of individual way’s for our
group to deal with and it got me to thinking … I should share how
we succeeded. 

I had heard of one statistic that really touched me that now I
know has a high probably of being true. That is, everyone will be
personally loose a friend or loved one to cancer in their
lifetime, not a big shock to anyone these days. You and I can no
longer expect to avoid the grief that cancer will deal to us and
or families in our lifetime.

There were many facets throughout this ordeal we had to deal with
as a group and individuals. Family support (emotional and
physical), time management (through the long days after chemo),
medical, financial and funeral planning, were all challenging and
emotional, but the one facet we individualized was grief or
rather the emotions and thoughts the days following Wayne’s
death. Grieving is a very personal and individual undertaking
that I will not give advise on, rather the reasons why you need
to grieve. 

We all know and have been taught and experienced the cycle of
life in some manner. We have all had to deal on different levels
with the loss of a family member, friend or pet at some point
during our lives. I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert
on the subject of grief, but have garnered six reasons why I
believe you need to:

1.Recognize that life and death need to be shared experiences, so
do not isolate yourself from either.
2.Cry because it is good for you during this experience. Crying
is an emotion we do not let happen enough in our lives. Men
especially refrain from crying, at least in public, we need to
get over the presumption crying is not good for us.
3.Share your feelings and emotions with someone. Pour it out in
person, on the phone, in writing a farewell note or an e-mail;
just express yourself and what you are dealing with.
4.Create a personal remembrance memory book or file. Gather
photo’s or related memorabilia that pertains to the person or pet
and keep it handy so you can periodically reminisce.
5.Discuss the person when you are gathered with your friends or
loved ones that new them. Discuss the experiences you each had.
6.Talk to the family members of all ages; part of the grieving
process is following up with loved ones. Encourage your children
to ask questions and ask tem how they feel or have felt though
out this period.

A personal note, I hope each of you have planned and though about
your own life, health and family future; good for you. If not,
let this experience be a wake-up call for you, do two things if
nothing else:
1.Set up a living trust for your family so secure your hard
earned assets from going to the state or government.
2.Plan your funeral, deal with making the provisional plans and
letting family member’s know what your wishes are. This will
ensure a little less stress and prevent a family dispute about
what *you* wanted. 

Dealing with death and the process that surrounds it is difficult
but one we all must not delay in addressing in our lives. I wish
you the best of luck and much success in your lifetime.